Bad Seeds
by entre-lagrimas-y-suspiros
Summary: Book: Sacred Hearts, Warning: Femslash!, Summary: A year after the end of the book, Soura Zuana is no longer comfortable in her own skin. AN: Sacred Hearts belongs to Sarah Dunant, I'm just playing in the wonderful world she created.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Bad Seeds

Fadom/Pairing: Sacred Hearts, Madonna Chiara/Suora Zuana

Rating: G

Summary: A year after the end of the book, Soura Zuana is no longer comfortable in her own skin.

AN: I couldn't stop obsessing over this book and these characters to I wrote it down. I might do more stories, there is a lot to work with after all. Enjoy.

[]

"Still hard at work, I see."

Zuana is startled out of her work by the voice of the abbess. "I seemed to have neglected my duties over the last week. A fact the weeds have taken full advantage of." She should stand and show the woman in her garden the proper deference. But that would force her to look at Madonna Chiara, something she was not willing to do.

"Illness tends to drag even the best of asunder, Suora Zuana."

Her hand freezes, fingers wrapped tightly around a small weed, as her mind does the same. Chiara was giving her away out. She was overlooking what was plain to both of them and leaving well enough alone. Zuana did not know why instead of gratitude she felt only anger. "Yes, it does."

She raises her eyes to see the pale face of the abbess whose light honeyed eyes were locked firmly on her own face. She was reading her. Again. Delving behind the tightly held calm expression. The expression Zuana had been sporting for the last week. The one she had been hiding behind. Why she would do this all the while giving her a way out confused Zuana.

"Not to worry. I'm sure you will have the garden back to its best in no time."

She tired to smile at the kind smile that curved Chiara's lips but she did not succeed. Everything had come back to her during the last week. A year ago her life had been changed. Her comfortable life had been shaken along with the foundations of the convent. The changes were still being felt. Most, she guessed, had yet make themselves known. That was perhaps what unnerved her the most. She had no idea what was still in store.

"Zuana," Chiara closed the distance between them, "if you feel the need to talk I am always willing."

Willing…willing to do what exactly, Zuana wondered. Was the abbess willing to hear all that the passing year had changed in her? Willing to know that her rebellion in helping Serafina was only the beginning? Willing to listen as related that her father's voice had been replaced by her own? Or perhaps that she could still control the flesh but not her thoughts?

No. As much as she craved it, Zuana knew this was something she could not, should not, confess.

She would not burden Chiara with it. These feelings were her own, she alone would have to deal with them. "Thank you Madonna Chiara but I have already spoken about it with Suara Umiliana."

Chiara's eyes clouded over, the only clue that the slight had reached its target, before turning cold. Later she would confess the lie to father Romero.

"As you wish." She stepped away.

Zuana kneeled once more, but didn't hear the sound of footsteps that should have carried Chiara back to her cloisters. She looked over her shoulder to see her still standing there. "Was there something else Madonna Abbess?"

"Do not work yourself too hard, Zuana."

The words were quiet. Gentle even, confusing Zuana's already muddled thoughts. She did not know how to respond and so she dropped her head in obedience. When she looked up again Chiara was walking quickly towards the cloister, her back straight under her habit.

_She will figure it out soon Zuana. _

Zuana ignored the voice of the woman she had just been speaking to. She returned to her weeding, willing the hard work to drown out her thoughts.

End.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Bad Seeds (2)

Fadom/Pairing: Sacred Hearts, Madonna Chiara/Suora Zuana

Rating: G

Summary: A year after the end of the book, Soura Zuana is no longer comfortable in her own skin.

AN: I've decided to write more stories based on the novel Sacred Hearts by Sarah Dunant. I'm turning it into the series because the stories will follow basically the same timeline but they are supposed to be standalone stories. -Enjoy

[]

Father Romero was more than willing to absolve her of the lie the following morning. It was a minor and frequent confession from eighty women living in such close quarters. Her punishment was simply and to the point. She must tell Madonna Chiara the truth and accept whatever punishment the abbess was willing to inflict on her.

Zuana would have preferred to be punished by Father Romero himself. No matter how harsh the punishment, it would be better than bringing up the lie in conversation with the abbess. Chiara would let formality fall at the wayside, Zuana knew, and she would be left answering much too difficult questions from a friendly face.

And she would be forced to lie again. What else could she do? Telling the truth had not even passed her thoughts, during the hours she had spent awake before Matins thinking insecently.

"_Do not work yourself too hard, Zuana." _

The cadence of her voice was firmly imprinted in Zuana's mind. It was not the voice of the abbess, not even that of Suora Chiara. There was something different about it. Zuana had noticed it over the last few months. The more she retreated into herself, the more particular Chiara's voice became causing her to retreat further still.

Zuana did not want to think about Chiara's well-bred voice speaking to her in such intimate tones. No that was the very last thing Zuana wanted. That would fuel the fire in her. Did Chiara know it? Surely not! Chiara had been bred for the veil. Her intentions were always pure when it came to her flock.

Her thoughts were pure unlike Zuana's.

_You don't know that. Did Serafina's stay teach you nothing? She is a good abbess, not a saint. _

True, Chiara was by no means as saintly as she once thought her. It was a fact that had taken Zuana the better part of six months to come to terms with. However, she could not believe that she would entertain thoughts like hers.

No, Chiara, would not sin with another nun.

It went against her duty to protect them and her duty to show no favoritism. The abbess actions while Sefarina was there had been to defend Santa Caterina against the worst of the reformers. It had been to safeguard them against the virtual inquisition that scandal would bring down on their heads. If she was willing to go to such extends then Zuana could not see a situation where Chiara would put them in such danger simply to indulge herself…

…themselves. For it would be the greatest indulgence Zuana could think of for herself. To give voice to the thoughts that had been twisting her mind and robbing her of sleep, the greatest indulgence that would never be.

Fin.


	3. Chapter 3

_AN: Ok this is the third and finally part for this story. It's not my usual but I just wanted to establish them as a pairing. Now that I got a handle on them I think I will write some more. Enjoy-xio_

It has been six days now, over a hundred a fifty hours, since Father Romero had given Zuana her punishment. And for most of every hour of those six long days it was the only thing she could really focus on. She had avoided Chiara for almost a week and she knew it couldn't go on forever. Sooner rather than later she would have to speak to her, and when she did would she be able to lie?

Zuana didn't think she could, and not for lack of desire. She simply didn't think she could look into those big honey eyes and lie.

She had never been good at lying not even as a child, so she stopped trying. Sure there were always lies of omission. But even those had been few and far between with Chiara.

As she passed the Abbess office for the fourth time Zuana did what she knew she would, but had been putting off.

Madonna Chiara granted her entrance after her light knock. "Suora Zuana, now this is a surprise. We haven't spoken for days."

"I've been keeping busy. The garden still needs a lot of work."

"You're not working yourself too hard, I hope."

Zuana shook her head in answer. "I wanted to speak to you, if you had a few minutes Madonna Abbess."

She saw Chiara straighten up, looking more serious than she had a moment before. "Of course, please take a seat Suora Zuana?"

Zuana would have decline but she knew an order when she heard on. "I don't really know where to begin." She said sitting down.

"The beginning is always a good idea."

"I don't know if this is a good idea at all." She confessed. It was true she didn't know if she could reveal the lie and stand the questions without giving too much of herself away. Without revealing the truth.

Chiara leaned forward intrigued yet confused. "We have never had a problem with communicating Zuana."

No, they never had, but that was then. Now there was so much that she wanted to say, so many words she wanted to taste…to indulge in, that she didn't know if she could control what came out of her mouth. It was this primary fear that had kept her away. Would she loose control? "May I have a some water, please?" Her throat had gone dry at her thoughts.

Chiara nodded, poured a glass, and passed it across the desk and into Zuana's awaiting hands. She nearly drop the glass when the Abbess' finger grazed her own. "Thank you." Zuana a few sips of water along with a few deep breaths.

Madonna Chiara was sitting back, an expectant look on her soft face when Zuana looked up. The sunlight from the high window behind her desk, fell on her like a halo making her look younger than she was, and lovelier than Zuana could remember. "I am here to make a confession, Madonna Abbes."

"Confession?"

"I lied to you. The other day in the garden, I told you I had spoken to Suoro Emiliana."

She can't help noticing the rather sad smile on Chiara's full rose lips. "But your intentions behind saying it were true."

Her tone of voice as she says it, without needing for confirmation without looking for it, is what bothers Zuana the most. But she couldn't deny it. "I confess to lying to you Madonna Abbess, and have come for my punishment."

Across from her the Abbess shakes her head and stands. She walks slowly around the desk and stops next to Zuana, leaning against the ornate edge. "You are not the only one in need of confessing to that sin Zuana. I…" Honey eyes search and darker ones, "…forgive you."

Zuana can do nothing but sit and stare for a long moment. How can that be it? Madonna Chiara has never simply forgiven? Not ever. Not anyone.

"Madonna…"

She shakes her head, her hand reaching out to touch the rough skin on Zuana's own hand. "All if forgiven, Suora Zuana, you may go in peace."

Zuana can feel her heart beat increase exponential as Chiara's thumb slowly moves over her skin. She stays still hoping her eyes can lie better than her lips ever could.

FIN.


End file.
